From Now On, Ima Be My Own Best Friend

Imagine you are walking down the street with your bestie, and some douchebag says something about her. Maybe he's commenting on her body, or maybe he's doing that thing where a guy thinks that calling a lady stuck up is going to make her want to talk to him. It doesn't matter. Just imagine how you would react.

Me? I'd either give him a dirty look, or haughtily ignore him, or maybe make a lewd Outrageous Fortune reference just within earshot. If what he said was truly heinous, I might go over and give him a generous serving of my mind. Whatever the situation called for, my reaction would invariably be some variation on a middle finger. Without hesitating for a second, I'd defend my friend with my mighty weapons of ferocity and loyalty and hilarity. I'd automatically be on her side.

I'm guessing you would, too. That's what friends do.

Now imagine this: you have a shitty thought about yourself. Haha, do you even have to imagine, or can you just tune into the shitty thought station as it blares away 24/7? For me, Jabba the Hutt is often involved -- for instance: "Ugh, God, I look like Jabba the Hutt in this."

But, like the ejaculations of the douchebag on the street, the content of these thoughts doesn't really matter. What matters is what happens next.

Do you immediately roll over and concede the point that you actually do look like Mr. The Hutt and skulk back to the closet to find something that might render you a bit more invisible? Or do you give that thought a big old middle finger and move on with your day?

Just think about it. What if the cool part of your brain could defend you from the douchebag part, the same way you'd defend your BFF, with full dedication and without a second's hesitation? What amazing things might you have the confidence to wear? To do?

Just something to think about. All the ladies, if you feel me, help me sing it out.